I was born and raised in the beautiful, safe and peaceful German countryside, not far from the financial hub Frankfurt/Main. I have great memories of my childhood, spending my days out in nature, collecting crystals, reading, daydreaming. It's also where I created my first ever business selling painted rocks to friends and neighbours. I've always been very curious and wanted to understand how the world works, driving my mother insane with my never ending questions. When I look back, It's so funny to think that now in my late 20s, I've come back to so many things that filled my heart as a child. I definitely took a little detour along the way.
When I started school, I realized that "shining my light" doesn't resonate with everyone, so I developed the habit of people-pleasing, consequently neglecting my personal boundaries. Even when others treated me badly, I was too afraid to step up for myself (still today this might be my biggest challenge). Having always fallen more on the introverted spectrum of beings, I struggled with others perceiving me as "different". In my heart, especially now as an adult, I can see the beauty of it but back then it was hard. It resulted in me wanting to be more like them - louder, more active, less myself.
During my teenage years, the perfect solution for hiding my soft, shy & introverted nature was introduced into my life: alcohol. I was definitely a rather problematic teen, overcompensating my lack of self-esteem by acting out, still achieving good results in school, for knowlegde is my strength, but otherwise not knowing any limits. Having started early, and especially for the wrong reasons (namely as a coping mechanism to boost my confidence and to wash down my quite intense emotions instead of learning to express & release them), drinking turned into a problem - something I would only begin to understand much later. I began neglecting all of my other interests and got caught up in parties, lovers & excessively trying to fill the void that grew bigger the more I turned my back on what my soul was longing for: authenticity, vulnerability & selflove.
"So throw off the bowlines,
sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
And so the search began. "There needs to be more than this...", I thought to myself, and made it my mission to find out. After graduating from secondary school, I started traveling. First to Australia, then to Thailand & Mexico, and after finishing my B. A. in Political Science & British English in Mainz, Germany, there was literally nothing holding me back. I had this deep inner longing to explore the world, to learn about foreign cultures and meet people who would challenge my perspective. I have spend one year backpacking solo through 12 different countries in Asia and came home as a different person, but not ready to fully accept it yet.
I've always felt that I didn't fit in the corporate world, but decided to put down roots in corporate Frankfurt anyway. I started feeling depressed. My life made me anxious. My intuition was telling me that there was a higher purpose waiting for me but I just couldn't figure it out. My lack of self-esteem, paired with questionable lifestyle choices & the quest for outward validation had fogged up my vision. I felt lost.
Then one morning I woke up to the first day of autumn. I could feel the fresh air & sensed that change was about to enter my life. So I followed my intuitive wisdom and booked a ticket to Colombia. In hindsight, this was the ticket into my personal liberation.
The South American soil shifted something in me: I felt connected again. Not just connected to Mother Nature but also reconnected to my passions - writing, languages & dancing. It was also at the end of this trip, when I had made my way up to tropical Panama, that I finally allowed myself to open my heart again. For this man, and really just for the sake of myself, I decided to move to Panama.
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."
- Charles Dickens
I experienced life in a simpler and laid back fashion, living day to day in a Caribbean paradise, but faced the biggest challenges of my life so far - personally, financially, professionally. I was free and enabled to start afresh. In this process I lost all the identities that my ego built up to protect my soul from more hurt. To give you one example, just the simple act of learning a new language often left me feeling misunderstood and irrelevant. Let me tell you, my big ego didn't like that. My relationship, as passionate & romantic as it was, triggered the hell out of me, bringing up childhood trauma & behaviours that I was trying to avoid. We lived on a small sailboat and with no direct connection to land, there was no chance to run away or space to hide from my feelings. I started to crack open.
Supporting this process of transformation was the fact that the backpacker & expat party haven I called home was filled with mirrors for my addiction. I met & observed many people, from 20 - 80 years old, abusing alcohol and drugs. I could see their grey faces and dead eyes. It took me 6 months & one big ass public outburst to realize that I actually saw myself in each and every one of them.
After this realization, I quit drinking immediately & suddenly had so much free time on my hands. I used it to learn about the environment, yoga, addiction & healing. Actually, I was still trying to keep my head busy, just so that the dark feelings inside of me had no chance to surface. Because I was too ashamed, I didn't ask for much help and when I did, I found myself being gaslighted by friends who told me I was being dramatic. But I wasn't. In fact, I was deeply wounded and hurt. These reactions further encouraged me to take big courageous steps into my healing journey by cutting cords with everything & everyone that didn't truly support my new path. Dramatic or not, I learned to stop feeling sorry for it.
"Quiet the mind
and the soul will speak."
After completing my Yoga Teacher Training, I felt like I gained support: Finally did I find something that sparked my fire again, that gave me stability & comfort in my own self. Ayurveda, especially, really resonated with me and inspired me to travel back to India to learn more about "The Science of Life". My obsession for alcohol was replaced with a new-found passion for holistic wellbeing. It didn't solve all my problems and I still have a long way to go but at least, by learning more about my individual design and the body-mind connection, I was now able to pull myself out, step by step, realization after realization, and fill up my own cup by striving for balance.
I immediately started teaching Yoga, accepting that each new path takes practice. In my classes, I had the chance to connect to so many different humans in a meaningful way, it simply filled my heart. All my life I worked in close contact with people but never has it been more fulfilling. Teaching also enabled me to step out of my shell and to be the person that I really am (without clinging on to a beer in my hand), not just in the safety of my own home but in front of strangers and friends alike. I feel eternally blessed to have the opportunity to carry out this profession but once more, my intuition told me that there was something yet to come.
So I kept on studying, meditating, experiencing. I dove deep into my shadow to find personal healing and to free myself from fear, trauma & stagnant emotions - a work that I continue doing and that will probably never end. But I realized that in 1:1 consultations, by connecting to individuals in a profound way, I can be of true service. I've always liked deep and meaningful conversations and my ability to see the light in the darkest of places, along with my understanding for the heaviest of human emotions, enable me to support you on your very own journey.
"I am at home
among the trees."
- J. R. R. Tolkien
These days, I live a quiet life close to nature. I rise before the sun, religiously follow my morning routine, love cooking and get high on essential oil blends. Instead of shaking my booty in nightclubs, I currently prefer private ecstatic dance parties in my living room. I live in Berlin, Germany & love taking it slow. I've been rushing enough to "be better" & lived with so much excitement, that now I am just grateful for having a peaceful home & a more peaceful mind. I am a nomad & a free-spirit at heart and know that things will keep on changing for me. I'm looking forward to whatever life will throw at me next.
Lots of Love,
••• Laura •••